Single Gals...Your status may be Single but you're not alone!

Ten things I've learned so far in my life..

2012-01-19T14:05:00.000-05:00

I’ve been on this planet long enough to have learned a few things along the way.

IT is what IT is... Regardless of the situation, you have to except IT for what IT is and find a way to deal with IT.
Trust your gut...we all have instincts so become aware of yours because they will never steer you in the wrong direction. If something does not feel right... it isn’t right!
Speak your mind... If you hold it in you may never get a chance to say what you need to
If you’re not ready; You’re not ready! ... You will know when you’re ready to face your fears, move on or let go. However do not use “I’m not ready” as an excuse; you eventually have to deal with IT, whatever that IT may be.
Surround yourself with LOVE... Life is too short to waste on negative, miserable people. Make sure the people around you make your world a happier place.
Speak from the heart...If your words come from a place of love they can’t be wrong
Don’t be afraid of change... Life is always changing, embrace it because when it’s time for a change it’s going to come whether you want it or not.
Follow your dreams or passions...It’s better to have pursued your desires and failed, then never to have tried.
Take care of yourself with exercise and healthy food... It’s your best defence for good health.
Learn to love yourself... Love who you are flaws and all! This will lead to better life choices because you value yourself. Also we love the flaws in other people why not our own? Flaws are what make people lovable.

What are some of the things you have learned on your crazy life journey?

Bonus: Always make sure to pull your skirt down in the back if you’re wearing nylons. You do not want this to happen to you at your favourite pub, while walking by the cutest boy you ever laid eyes on.

Cheers!

Shit Single Girls Say..

2012-01-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love this!!! I'm afraid I that girl in the pink track pants on the sofa...I guess I just taken the first step and admitted that I have a problem.

He came...He went leaving behind a broken heart

2012-01-13T10:47:00.001-05:00

Recently my eight week whirlwind relationship has ended. It ended as unexpectedly as it started and I discovered that it is true what they say “What starts fast, ends fast”.

We met at a trade show; he was a chef preparing food behind our booth for another vendor at the show. So for three days we chatted and I began to notice that he went out of his way to talk to me, even washed my utensils. He mentioned that he was single and I still did not clue in that it was for my benefit. It was not until the last day of the show he said he was going to make apple pie. I mention that I like apple pie and asked if he would deliver it to me. Well by the end of the show he had my number. He called me a couple days later and set up a date in which he showed up with apple pie. I was hooked.

He was like no other, he was forward, honest and he said what he was feeling. It was very overwhelming and wonderful. I did not have a chance to over think the situation because before I know it he was calling me his girl. From the moment I first saw him I felt at ease and that feeling just grew the more we were together. I had a happy world before him but with him it became blissful. He said he wanted me to feel safe in his arms and I finally did.

In my blissful safe state I had no idea it was going to end. Last Friday he shows up at my door, he hugs me shaking then tells me he is taking a job out west. He said it was the hardest decision he has had to make because he said he has never felt like this about anyone before. He has to take the job because it is to further his career. He leaves me confused and heartbroken. I have not talked to him since that day, I have reached out but he will not contact me. I guess that hardest decision of his life was not that hard after all.

He was like a tornado tearing through my life by the time he passed through he left me standing alone in total devastation. After 5 days of people avoidance and lying around I’m finally back to being myself again thanks to my wonderful group of girlfriends. They were there for me in an instant, they let me cry, mope, then finally got me off my butt and back to the land of the living. They are my own personal disaster repair crew. I love them whole heartedly.

It’s hard to put yourself out there and it can hurt; man can it hurt but it has to be done because one day it will be right and there won’t be any hurt. The secret to moving on is creating a happy secure place of your own, this makes mending your broken heart that much easier.

If your heart is aching it will feel better, the ache eases every day. That feeling of not being able to breathe will pass and before you know it you will laugh again. Pat Benatar said it best “Love is a battlefield” so ladies keep battling because eventually it will only be you and your Knight in shining armour standing on the battlefield.

Hang in there!

This is so true!

2012-01-12T08:59:00.000-05:00

This makes me laugh I have made some of these comments and have heard my girlfriends say a few of these things as well. Every once in a while it is good to laugh at ourselves.

Do you remember your first kiss?

2011-11-25T11:55:00.000-05:00

**This was a writing assignment for a course I am taking, the teacher loved it so I thought I'd share**

I was eleven years old when I first kissed a boy. I knew before heading out that night to the community centre pool that I would get my first kiss. On the drive there my stomach was gurgling, one moment my skin was on fire and the next I’d have goose bumps. I wanted to scream “Dad turn around lets go home!’

I enter the centre to the overpowering aroma of chlorine which burned my eyes and hot grease that made me nauseous. Kids were running around splashing and screaming at each other. I see my friends but before I could run out of there the girls were beside me pushing me towards the stairwell, giggling and chanting “Nat’s going to kiss a boy!”

Winston was a cute brown haired green eyed boy whose voice squeaked when he said Hi. We stood facing each other not sure what to do next when the girls instruct us to put our faces together and kiss like they do on TV.

Winston leans in; when his lips first touch mine I get an electric shock and pull back. He hesitates for a moment then leans in again; he presses his lips gently against mine. They are soft and he tasted of Juicy Fruit gum. I can feel the heat rush through my body and I can hear the pounding of my heart. I pull away, say “thank you “and run off. That was the last time I saw Winston.

That was my first kiss. Do you remember yours?

Why do the bad ones always return?

2011-11-21T11:50:00.000-05:00

Hey Ladies,

Remember the guy I met at the bar in the summer who text messaged me to say he had a girlfriend but...

Well he has returned 5 months later with the following text message:

Nothing happened between us but a kiss and I would not have kissed him had I known about the girlfriend. I have no idea why he would think any girl would go for this and especially this girl because I have Self Esteem.

I feel sorry for his girlfriend because she is dating is a loser that looks for booty calls whenever she goes away. I hope she soon sees his real character and finds someone worthy because he certainly is NOT!!

I did not respond to this, there is no need. I just hope he finally gets it and deletes my number because I deleted his after his first text.

Good Luck out there Gals!

Did I just get dumped?

2011-11-16T12:04:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I took Daisy out for her puppy play date with a friend that lives in my building complex. I had met him during the summer while out walking Daisy; he too had just gotten a new puppy. We chatted a few times and one day he asked me out for coffee. I was not interested in him that way but said yes, thinking there really was no valid reason for me to say no. Well he made me pay for my coffee which ended any chance he may have had. We did however become friends; it was clear there was no interest on either part. I am just too much for his very particular ways and for me I was never interested.

It turns out he has recently met someone and informed me that it may not be a good idea for us to meet for puppy play dates, UH!? So I think I have been dumped, UH! This is what confuses me about the male species.

1) Absolutely nothing happened between us

2) It is obvious I am not interested in him because I’ve told him to grow a pair of balls

3) The only physical contact we have had was when I punch him in the shoulder and said ‘Dude you need to relax or your dog is going to become a pussy’

Clearly I was not trying to impress him at all for normally I am not so crass. Also my filter tends to break down every now and again so what I’m thinking just spills out but if I like you I have a little more control... a little.

So does he think I like him? Is that why he is concerned about our pups playing together? I’m so confused because to me it is no big deal, and why not bring the girlfriend along?

This has happened to me before with someone that I went on 4 dates with but we did not even kiss because I apparently made him too nervous. I had not talked or seen him in over a year but ran into at a concert and gave him a hug and asked how’s life. He pulled back and got all freaked out, later I find out he had a girlfriend. I hugged him as a friendly gesture since nothing happened between there were no hard feelings, it wasn’t a sign that I wanted him or did he think it was? A couple of months after that awkward encounter (on his part), he messages me on Facebook to see if I was interested in NSA (no strings attached) sex. So he didn’t have the balls to try and kiss me but now he is in a relationship looking for NSA sex, I told him NO I am more than NSA and that he is out of line and will be deleted.

Lucky for Daisy she has another puppy to play with and this pup’s owner is a foot shorter than myself so CLEARLY he must know that we are just puppy play date friends, right? Or will he dump me as well when he finds a girlfriend?( I assume he doesn’t have a girlfriend because he lives with his mother.)

If anyone can enlighten me as to why these two behaved that way I would be forever grateful.

Cheers!

How I kept the peace between two countries...

2011-11-10T13:52:00.001-05:00

In June I received a text from Queen B... ‘Flights to Hawaii $600.00 are you in?’ my response ‘Hell YES, when?’ So come October 8^th we were hitting the friendly skies with our freshly waxed bits and pieces, painted toes, cellular travel plan, and a big bottle of Advil.

We spent 9 glorious days traveling the islands of Hawaii. Our vacation started off with a 2 night stay in Honolulu, 4 days on the Big Island , 2 days in Maui and our last night was back in Honolulu. We sang karaoke, partied with the locals, zipped lined over waterfalls, walked through Volcano’s, drove a kick ass jeep and survived the Hana Hwy. My only disappointment was I didn’t get a Lei, I was seriously hoping that when we landed in Maui that we would be greeted by big buff Hawaiian hotties in their floral wraps ready to place the Lei around our necks. I have to assume that getting a Lei when you land in Hawaii is just TV show propaganda; because if you want one you have to pay $5 and you can get one out of a vending machine. I don’t know about you but this Gal is not going to pay to get a Lei...Snap!

Before we left Toronto that we had decided that we were going to party it up our last night. Off to the pub we go, Queen B with the determination of getting us a Lei before we leave and me with the unbeknownst mission of keeping the peace between two countries.

While at the pub Queen B is entertaining the troops with her stolen Lei (yes she got one!); in walks the Australian Outback, Holla! My first thought was ‘How does a Gal get his attention’ and my second thought was ‘why didn’t I workout while on vacation’. I won’t bore you with details but I got the Hunky Aussie’s attention and somewhere between my professed love of Mad Max and my favourite song being Black by Pearl Jam the Hunky Aussie invited me up to his room. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I so wanted to go with him, but my first impulse was to say no because that stupid little voice was saying excuse me don’t you remember that you’ve been drinking, eating fried food and haven’t worked out in two weeks, what are you thinking? Lucky for me I have mastered the art of silencing that little voice and ran to the bathroom to text my closest gal pals at home that I was invited up to a Hot Aussie’s room. Single Chick was the first to respond ‘Do It!!! Oh and get a picture...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE’

Needless to say I ended up in the Hunky Aussie room and later he ended up in mine. I didn’t feel self conscious nor did that little voice come back to taunt me. I’m not one for divulging the dirty details but let’s just say the view from the 30^th floor suite of the Hilton is so much better bent over the railing.

My selfless act of porn star debauchery has now created a bond between two countries. Not only was I able to knock Hawaii of my life list but I also went International. I tackled the Australian Outback and managed only to get a few bruises and a sprained foot. Be warned Gals if you haven’t had any sexcapades in a while your coordination may be off. Thank you Australia for making this Canadian girl feel oh so special and I am going to hold you to your promise of making it up to me for the sprained foot.

In case you’re wondering what Queen B was up to while I was keeping the peace between nations. Let’s just say she showed up at our room the next morning with her hair all amuck and two coffee’s in her hands. Now you know you have a good friend when she is willing to do that walk of shame through Starbucks and the hotel lobby just to bring you a much needed morning cup of Joe.

So Gals ask yourself ...What have you done for your country lately?

MA-HOLA!

Text dating...

2011-11-10T04:37:00.003-05:00

There is now a website for singles to meet other singles through text messaging call Text Dating. The thing I hate most in the dating world today is the text message and now you can go online look at pics of singles and text them. Why would any half sane person want to meet someone that way?

Check out this guy’s profile...

I'm just an intelligent guy with a great sense of humor. I'm someone who you'd be proud to take home to mom (mom will love me more than you do, I bet). I'm just a good person, looking for a good woman. I am someone who cherishes a good warm relationship. A relationship that goes beyond the physical, and looks into the soul. The kind that makes you feel alive, and glad to be part of something so wonderful. Am I right for you? Who knows? Can't be right for everyone, but if you want to feel wanted while giving the same in return, contact me. If you want to smile, to laugh, to just feel good about life itself, talk to me.

This 31 year old single male wants to find a meaningful relationship with someone over text messaging. How does one create a relationship that makes you feel alive and glad to be part of something wonderful by texting? Dude FYI saying that my mom will love you more that I do is disturbing on so many levels.

Is this what I am to expect from this site:

Maybe it’s me? Maybe I am the insane person because I refuse to conform to the online world of dating. Am I the last of a dying breed because I believe people can get to know each other by talking face to face? No this must be the new way of dating for the 20 year olds that don’t know any better, but then I see a pic of some cute old fella that resembles my dad. Dad? Please say it ain’t so? When did you learn to text!?

TTYL

Happy Movember!

2011-11-09T09:57:00.000-05:00

This morning I was waiting in line at Tim’s Horton’s for my morning cup of liquid gold when I noticed three different guys sporting 70’s porn star moustaches.

Then walking to my office I see more moustaches! What’s going on here? Did I miss the memo, are the 70’s coming back? Does this mean I don’t have to get waxed ever again? By the time I get to the office it dawns on me that it’s Movember! These brave men are out there looking like possible pedophiles and 70’s porn stars to help raise awareness for Prostate Cancer, the number one male cancer.

Ladies if your man is supporting the cause give him lots of love. I think it’s great to see men participating in raising awareness for health or any issues that need to be talked about. For all you guys willing to look quite ridiculous with your cheesy moustaches KUDOS to you! Since you look like a 70’s porn star here’s hoping your good efforts get you a little porn star lovin’ from the woman supporting your cause this month.

Happy Movember!

Answers to what all Single Gals want to know....

2011-10-27T21:06:00.001-04:00

Currently I am at a lost for blog content, since I do not have an active dating life I needed something to write about. This prompted me to send an e-mail to my closest gal pals for topic suggestions and here is what they sent me:

1) The biggest challenge for single women in today's dating world... that’s easy TECHNOLOGY!!!!

2) Online dating.. BLOWS!! That being said I have tried it and I did blog about it, it was more of an experiment really just to prove to myself that yes it BLOWS!

3) New ways to meet men...This one made me giggle because if I had the answer to this I’d be dating.

4) How to meet men...Once again more giggling, however ladies if any of you have suggestions please send them my way so I can share with all the other Single Gals out there.

5) Quick ways to a man's heart – A Shotgun??? Oh wait we are talking love here, I stick by my first answer a shot gun can work wonders.

I guess I am still at a loss for content so if you have any suggestions please send them my way.

Cheers!

The Single Gals vacation tips:

2011-10-08T10:34:00.002-04:00

We have polled our panel of single ladies as to what they do to prepare for vacation so here are the top 10 things we ladies should check off our list:

1) Get make sure to remove all excess or unwanted hair below the waist or wherever you have stray hairs running amuck. Gals you do not want to be worried about shaving your legs daily. Take care of that before you leave, you’ll be glad you did.

2) Get a pedicure especially if you are going somewhere tropical. You do not want your knarely winter toes poking out of your cute sling backs.

3) Bring condoms, ladies you have to be prepared for all things... even a chance at a HOT fling.

4) Pack your matching panties and bras sets, just in case you need to use tip #3.

5) Get a travel plan for your cell phone. Just a basic text messaging plan will suffice just in case you get separated from the gal pal that you are traveling with. This way you can text his hotel room #. You always have to make sure that your gal pal is safe.

6) Pack one pair of sexy heels, your favourite dress and make sure you have one glam night while away, this more than likely result in having to use your data plan.

7) Get a manicure... if your toes are going to be pretty so should your hands.

8) Make sure to pack a bathing suit, flip flops, change of gitch and a sundress in your carry-on just in case you and your luggage get separated.

9) Bring Gravol and Advil, you party girls know this is a must!

10) Make sure your passport is up to date.

Now you are set for the vacation! Grab your luggage, your traveling gal pal and hit the friendly skies. Wherever your Single Gal travels take you, have fun, be safe and be your fabulous selves and let the world unfold.

Happy Travels,

'Magic Mike' a movie for the ladies

2011-08-19T10:57:00.002-04:00

Did you know that Channing Tatum was a stripper? Seriously just the thought can give a girl serious lady wood.

Not only was he a stripper but now Steven Soderbergh is making a movie based on Channing's stripper days called 'Magic Mike' . This movie is sure to fulfill every gals fantasy because the cast is stellar. So far we have
Joe Manganiello,

Matthew McConaughey

Matt Bomer

Alex Pettyfer

Now this is definitely a movie that MUST be seen on the big screen.

Rule #98 ...Stalker jokes never a good idea

2011-08-15T10:37:00.000-04:00

Several years ago I was having drinks at a pub with a girlfriend and friends of friends, whom I'd never met. This included a small group of fellas. We were all standing around, chatting and laughing. One guy that I thought was cute was telling a story (I completely forget about what) and mentioned it had taken place in his condo. Thinking I was super witty (and perhaps it went along with his story?) I said something along the lines of "funny I didn't see that when I was watching with my binoculars". Insert laugh here. No, he didn't laugh- he actually looked at me like I might be crazy and was a bit taken back. Embarrassing! Clearly I had no idea where this guy lived or even his last name, but that ensured that I would never have an opportunity to find out! - Commado Barbie

WARNING: Telling guys that you have spied on them may seem funny to us, but men have such big ego's they believe such lines and therefore deem you as crazy stalker girl.

Rule #99... Don't reveal to much to soon

2011-07-19T10:15:00.002-04:00

This refers to what you share about yourself on a first date. Remember even if you think it is going well and you feel comfortable you still need to keep some things about yourself to yourself; until this person gets to know you better.

Date: "I've recently gotten into reading biographies; I tend to go through different phases as to what I like to read"

Me: "Same here. I once went through a Serial Killer phase; I think I read every book out there at the time"

Date: "That's a interesting phase, I can't say I have ever gone through that one" (Date shifts in his seat and is now looking at me a little differently)

Me: (Realizes that he probably thinks I have a room covered in plastic sheets. Maybe I should reassure him that I don't have a room covered in plastic because my cat will eat the plastic sheets)

WARNING: What seems perfectly normal to you may be a little off putting to others. However had he taken the time to ask why I had such a phase I would have told him that I was fascinated with the mind. I wanted to know what made some people evil and others not. I still love to know what makes people tick, why they do what they do including myself.

Rule #100 ...Do not tell hot dudes to smell your arm pit

2011-07-15T09:25:00.001-04:00

Hot Trainer at the gym: " Are you sure you just did the spin class ?" (referring to may oh so fresh appearance)

Me: "Yes" (than I lift up my arm and say) "Stick your head under here"

Gym receptionist cracks up

Me: (Realizes I just told a hot dude to stick his head into my sweaty arm pit)

WARNING: Sweaty pits are not attractive nor seductive

Rule # 101 ... Do not shove cute dudes into walls

2011-07-14T08:36:00.003-04:00

Cute guy in the elevator: "So what do you think they are working on in that area?(referring to the strange underground project in our building)

Me: (shoves him into the elevator wall ala Elaine Benes style and exclaims) " I know! I been wondering about that"

Cute guy: "yeah it's strange" (then he moves as far away from me as he can)

Me: (realizes I shoved a cute guy into a wall )

WARNING: Ladies this is the equivalent to poking him in the eye and giggling

What happens in Paris, gets written about on blogs….

2011-07-08T09:22:00.002-04:00

So ladies, I know it’s been a while and I apologize for my lack of blogs but I’m here once again and the wait (I believe) is worth it …so I returned from Paris mid-June and had one of the most surreal experiences….I have to think that maybe all these years stating that I want true honesty from men (translation, if you want me just for sex say so and don’t pretend you want more) is a load of crap but then again maybe you hear the truth and you think to yourself someone is playing a cruel joke on me….

This is what happened….I left my friends and went on my own to buy a perfume I love. The shop is located near the Four Seasons off of George V which is part of the tri-fecta of streets that make up an exclusive shopping Mecca in Paris. So I was heading back to the Metro and was just approaching a corner and I see this handsome, tall, very well dressed gentlemen, looking my way. Considering I had my hair in a ponytail, was wearing a light sweater, a scarf and jeans I didn’t think he was looking at me but it was Paris so it was not an impossibility and even if he was looking no big deal. So I’m approaching the corner (right in front of Jean-Paul Gaultier) and he starts speaking to me in French, since my French isn’t the best and I was kind of in my own world, I told him “Je ne parle pas francais”. He then does a 360 and goes into perfect English, he asks me if I’m married, which I reply, “No”, he goes on to say “Hi, I’m Michael, what is your name”….as I’m about to respond he states in normal, everyday conversation “I would like to have sex with you”….Now I’m all for forward people who get to the point but I had to really think about this one 1. Did I hear him correctly….confirmed….2. Is there a French TV crew behind me waiting to jump up and say “C’est drole” or something to this effect…..I turn around and look behind and nothing….So I start laughing and tell him “I am good, thanks”….as I’m walking away he tells me to come back but all I could do was shake my head and laugh to myself….I was also thinking is this is my life in a nutshell…I see a handsome, tall stranger at a corner who tells me he wants to have sex with me and what do I do but walk away.

I have to say I was very flattered in some weird twisted way as this guy has balls and he did look cute but I guess the honesty I so desired didn’t exactly make me feel secure and in control which is what I think I was looking for…I have always heard the saying “be careful what you wish for” and now I’m hoping my other wishes aren’t in limbo because one of them did come true….

I am also kind of kicking myself because a part of me wishes that I said yes, even if it was to just see what happened…but you have to let go of the what ifs and realize that it wasn’t meant to be.

What I do know now is that if I get approached by another handsome man at a corner I may have to take him up on the offer….with that said if he had asked me for coffee or a drink I probably would have slept with him…Weird how things work out, I got what I wanted and turned it away, he didn’t get what he wanted and if he presented things another way he probably would have…

Queen B

Horrible Bosses

2011-07-07T13:56:00.002-04:00

I have not seen the movie Horrible Bosses yet but the movie trailers kill me, they make me laugh because you think that would never happen; that no boss is that bad! Sadly life is always stranger than fiction. I had worked for a big corporation and I just could not handle the politics and the stupid way they would spend money to waste our time on corporate etiquette training. For example you could not call women ‘Girls’ because that may offend someone, seriously? If some woman is offended because I referred to my group of friends as ‘girls’ then she is twat! Needless to say I learned nothing from those training sessions.

I left big a corporation for a smaller company in which political correctness does not exist. My boss, whom we call Hef because he is currently is dating someone half his age and sends his Viagra prescription refill requests on the company fax machine. Hef will adjust the boys on a regular basis. Once while talking to my co-worker he grabs the crotch of his pants and says "I think these jeans may be done".

Recently my co-worker while looking for a file in Hef’s office found pair of his Polo underwear in the top drawer of his credenza. This is what life is like in my small office.

Cheers!

Here's a taste of what is out there ladies...

2011-07-06T14:15:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I had met a guy at the bar, I know when will I ever learn. Anyway he took my number and texted me the next afternoon. Here is his text:

Needless to say I am not interested. I swear I am a magnet for the dysfunctional. Oh well on to the next!

Meet the newest member to the Single Gals Team

2011-06-14T09:10:00.000-04:00

Say hello to Daisy! She is the newest addition to my home and the newest Single Gal on the block. Already she has more of a social life than I do. She has puppy school tonight, dinner plans on Thursday and her first photo shoot at TNM Photography on the weekend.

What is it about a man in uniform...

2011-05-26T13:00:00.000-04:00

Last night I had to call the cops on my neighbour because in the last few months he has taken up sawing in the middle of the night. What he is sawing I cannot tell you but it sounds like metal pipe because when it hits the ground it clinks. I have told my building management and have written a letter as they suggested about this strange activity. I am not normally one to complain but when he is in sawing mode it will start around 11pm and go on until 5am. It is so loud you would think he was doing this in my bedroom and this is very strange to be building something in the middle of the night in an apartment building, is it not?

Last night he was at it again, so I call the cops he is after all disturbing the peace. An hour after I call the cops show up, but unfortunately my neighbour has stopped his midnight activity. They knock on his door but he does not answer so they come to my place to talk to me. Ladies I shit you not this is what knocked on my door..

Imagine my delight and surprise when I opened my door to find a big masculine blue eyed hottie leaning against my door frame, and standing beside him was his more than sexy Asian counter part. I went a little weak in the knees. Needless to say that was the hottest thing to come knocking on this gals door in a very long time.

Here I was at one in the morning talking to two very HOT officers of the law in my baggy pajama pants, braless in my smurfette t-shirt, and my face all shiny because of my damn night cream. My only saving grace was I remembered to take out my retainer when I opened the door. Doesn’t that paint a pretty picture and I seriously wonder why I am single, HA! Why do they have to send HOT cops in the middle of the night, shouldn’t they leave the hotties on day patrol when most of gals are looking our best and can enjoy the men in uniform.

It turns out there is nothing they can do about the situation because my neighbour did not open the door and he had stopped his sawing for the night. They said the only thing I can do at this point was to call them again if happens because they agreed it was strange behaviour. It sucks that they cannot find out what my neighbour is up to over there, but it’s not such a bad thing if I have to call them again but next time I must remember to put my bra on!

What is it with men in uniform that gives us gals major lady wood? Is it because they are there to save and protect us? Is it the authority that the uniform represents? Why do you like an man in uniform?

Spring/Summer Fashion Fix

2011-05-25T14:46:00.001-04:00

So it’s another change of season (or so they have been telling us) which means that it’s time to revamp your wardrobe. The change of season is the hardest when it comes to picking out the right outfit, mainly because the days are warm but the nights tend to be cooler. As I have mentioned before layer and layer well….I like scarves because they keep you warm and can go with pretty much anything, for spring look for lighter or brighter shades.

Another great item for the season are flats, always fun, comfortable and versatile, you can’t go wrong with a great pair (me, I splurged on Burberry’s, it was my treat to myself, along with the other items I said were a treat, oops!)…To kick it up a notch this season go for wedges as they are back in a big way….if you’re not a stiletto type of girl then the wedge is a great alternative, think sexy with function.

As with this time of year, white is big as are neutrals….for you ladies that love black (me, me, me) try to lighten up a bit, trust me I know it’s hard but in the dead of summer, having a colour that reflects light instead of attracting it is a good thing.

Short shorts are in for summer but keep these out of the workplace and save them for evenings out and weekends, to dress them up a bit wear your new wedges or some cute flats.

Remember to dress for your body type and not necessarily what the styles are….adjust as necessary and have fun with it….

Queen B

How to tell if a guy is flirting with you...

2011-05-25T08:36:00.000-04:00

Apparently I am clueless as to it comes to men flirting with me, I cannot tell if it just friendly conversation or flirting. Last week after my drum lesson I was waiting for the elevator when this guy comes up said ‘Hi’, then when he noticed my drum sticks and music book he asked if there are notes in drumming? We chat about music and he said he used to play the trumpet in his high school band but had to stop because his lips were too big. I did not think you could not play an instrument because of big lips. So I tell the girls this and all three of them said in unison “He’s was flirting with you!!” I was shocked; according to them he wanted me to check out his lips (granted I did notice them after his comment).

This makes me wonder am I missing signals? If so what signals have I missed? Since it turns out I am clueless to the male flirting ritual I had to Google the matter. Here are the most common signs that a man is flirting with you:

The cowboy Stance - he'll probably lock his thumbs in his belt or belt loops, point his fingers downwards, spread his legs about shoulder distance apart and tilt his head to one side. – Note: A male does this to get you to focus on his groin with finger pointed downwards... Okay I am definitely going be on the lookout for this sign.

Touches hair or face – This means he is preening for you...awe even the Alpha male will subconsciously try to make himself pretty for you.

Sock Adjustment - If a guy pulls up or adjusts his socks in your presence, it's an almost 100 percent sign he's interested and trying to look his best.

He teases you – Even though boys grow up they still like to tease the girls they like.

He maintains eye contact - This means he is interested in what you have to say and is mesmerized by you.

So next time you talk to a hottie watch to see if he is pointing at his groin, touching himself while keeping eye contact with you..Chances are he likes you and if he takes his hands away from his groin to pull up his socks you’re IN! Feel free to make your move!

Happy flirting ladies and I hope the object of your affection pulls up his socks for you!

Cheers!

Vajazzled...

2011-05-20T13:09:00.000-04:00

Having a dry spell? Haven’t had any action in a while? Well maybe you need to be Vajazzeled!! There are many stupid ideas out there and yes I sometimes wish I were the Jackass that created them. This is one of those ideas.

What is Vajazzle? The web site states that it is the latest beauty trend? Vajazzle^tm.me.uk brings you easy-to-apply Vajazzle designs that you can wear all over your body on all kinds of occasions. But as the name and picture imply these lovely little decals are meant to decorate our Va JJ, Fur Taco, love muffin, the man cave. Whatever, you get the idea.

I think this is totally ridiculous but at the same time I know that there are a million Snooki wannabe’s out there that would think this was FANTASTIC and the Vajazzle Company will make their fortune and call it a day. So ladies if you are so bold to Vazzale yourself let us know if it spices up your life? Or did you end up with sparkly bits stuck in your juicy fruit jungle (my personal favourite)?

Guys do not worry you too can get Pezalled! Just think you can swing your thing all covered in bling!

Cheers!

8 Year old get’s botox...

2011-05-13T16:43:00.000-04:00

What happened to the days of playing Double Dutch and hopscotch (OMG there is a video on how to play hopscotch)? Since there are video’s out there on how to play hopscotch I have to assume that kids do not play that game anymore; but there has to be something out there that 8 year old girls can do that’s better than being entered into beauty pageants and getting BOTOX!!

Why is this woman making her 8 year old daughter stress over wrinkles?! WHAT wrinkles does an 8 year old have?! If she has wrinkles then it is due to the stress of not being able to be a kid. An 8 year old girl should be begging her mother for a puppy not botox. This breaks my heart, I hate to think of the mess she will be in by the time she is 16. This child is headed for lifetime of unhappiness because unless she can love herself as she is no amount of cosmetic surgery will ever make her happy. I wish that these pageants did not exist, and that people would start seeing the inner beauty in others.

If you have a young girl in your life let her know she is perfect the way she is!

Twat Twoubles..

2011-05-13T14:12:00.000-04:00

I decided to write to Single Gals, in hopes of discovering that I am not alone and can quit feeling like a whiny little "pussy." My Twat ("T") is sad. No, it's not what you think, it's not sad for lack of "action," as I do have a long term boyfriend who constantly tries to molest me... and with the problems I've been dealing with, thank God for that!

For the last year, I've been dealing with endless amounts of bladder infections which of course always lead to yeast infections (thank you antibiotics) which then get passed on to my boyfriend and then back to me. It's like an ugly game of Tag. I've also had the pleasure of contracting a bowel infection, which like a bladder infection gives you the sensation of constant urination, but SURPRISE!!! lots of urine actually does come out! It also creates a weird tingling feeling that doesn't exactly feel bad, but is questionable.

I have also discovered that my "T" is quite sensitive in nature. I cannot count the times I have lifted my leg onto the tub and angled that hand mirror between my legs only to discover tiny little cuts around the "T" opening. Where the hell did these come from??? My Doc told me that one of these "cuts" was exactly where you tear when giving birth. So unless an 8lbs baby slipped out of my "T" when I wasn't looking, he has no idea where this came from. Oh wait...not before he told me that it is absolutely impossible for a man's penis to cause this sort of damage, and asked if we'd been shoving any large "items" up there???? Like what?? A small watermelon perhaps? The best part about this is that the bacteria from the yeast infections tend to make themselves at home in these tiny cuts, therefore never giving me relief from that uncomfortable yeast itch. No, I am not joking and yes my hands are constantly down my pants trying to figure out some sort of liveable arrangement between my "T" and my bottom.

Now, you may be thinking, "this girl is really whiny and obviously sensitive", or "her diet is lacking in probiotics," or "she probably sits at a desk all day and suffocates her 'T' with fancy non-cotton underwear." But let me assure you, I consider my diet pretty healthy. I am not a big drinker and I drink tons of water, and I don't have a lot of yeast in my diet and I eat tonnes of proteins and vegetables. Although I wear thongs they are cotton and I sleep sans panties at night to let my poor "T" breath. Yet my vagina continues to be a real twat, even with the use of my organic tampons!

Anyway, the point of this blog is to spread the true troubles of one's twat and hopefully for me to find out that I am not alone. If anyone out there has any suggestions/ideas please do share!!

Irritably Yours,

Twat Troubles

Am I Normal?

2011-05-12T14:08:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wonder “Am I normal?” I referring to the thoughts and urges I sometimes get. For example yesterday as I was walking through the gym I passed a major Hottie and thought I’d like to bite his butt. Naturally I did not act on my impulse but for a second the urge was so strong, that I could not make eye contact with said Hottie for fear he could read my mind.

There was an Ally McBeal episode where Allie leans in and sniffs Victor's (Jon Bon Jovi) butt.

Ally sniffing Victor's butt 21 seconds in

Now Ally acted on her impulse, granted if Jon Bon Jovi were bent over in front of me I’d act on the impulse as well, I not made of steel. Actually I’d probably sniff, bite and then tackle the man. See is that normal?

Do you have these thoughts? Better yet have you acted on your strange impulses?

Bear counting ...only in Canada

2011-05-10T14:33:00.000-04:00

Here is a little dose of cute for you and Rick Mercer is charmingly funny as always.

We say men are giant babies....but seriously now this is taking it a little to far

2011-05-04T13:04:00.001-04:00

Royal fever..

2011-04-29T11:23:00.001-04:00

It's seems that the only thing anyone can talk about today is the Royal Wedding, even my 60 year old male boss is on the phone at this moment talking about Kate's dress! I have no interest in it, however I was told to check out the hats of the guests...Seriously, what are they thinking, excuse my ignorance but is this a new fashion trend or some crazy Royal law that women must wear a ridiculous monstrosity on their head. Though you have to admit the Queen is rather cute all in yellow...she kind of looks like Tweety Bird.

Check out the hats for yourself...

http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20395222_20485864,00.html#20943755

Cheerio!

Self Defense..It may save your life

2011-04-28T12:10:00.002-04:00

Last night I was blissfully walking through the underground parking of my building. I was daydreaming and not paying attention to my surroundings, when all of a sudden out of nowhere this man appeared. He was not a threat to me but I realized had he been I would never have seen him coming. Girls...We should always be aware of what’s going on around us! This does not mean we have to walk around in fear; if we are aware we can avoid situations if needed.

Having grown up in one of Toronto’s less desirable neighbourhoods I learned a few survival tricks. One of the first things that someone showed me was to walk with my house keys between my fingers. They now become a weapon; you can use them to take someone’s eyes out (thankfully I never had to use them).

Next you must know how to get away if someone grabs your wrists. It’s very simple and YES is does work! I did this move instinctively. I was walking home from work one evening and as I walk past this man on the sidewalk he grabs my wrist with both hands and tells me that he wants me to go with him to Pizza Hut for a drink. I said NO and tried to pull away but his grip tightened. He kept insisting that I go with him, and I kept telling him NO, he was getting more aggressive and I was getting more fearful when I finally clasped my hands together, twisted my wrist and pulled free. Once free I ran as fast as my legs would go, which it seems is lightening speed. This video shows how this is done, I should have kicked him as well but once free I ran. Do what you need to get free.

How To Escape A Simple Wrist Grab - Video 2 - Click here for more blooper videos

Also there is the tried and true kicking him in the groin not sure why I didn’t do that..funny you never know what you’ll do in those situations. Your instincts will kick in but it helps to know some basic self defense moves because they may save your life. If you can get your hands on some mace do it. I am not sure why it is illegal in Canada but I rather go to court because I used my illegal mace than become a statistic.

Here are some links to basic self defense moves..I highly recommend taking a Self Defense class it may save your life.

http://www.womens-self-defense-instruction-online.com/index.html

http://www.iammydefender.com/self-defence-articles/best-self-defense-moves.php

http://www.justyellfire.com/index.php

Safe travels!

Sully and Soundgarden are coming to TO...

2011-04-18T11:38:00.001-04:00

Sully Erna - May 24, 2011

Sully Erna singer from Godsmack has a new solo album out and he is now on tour. I really like this CD it is very different from Godsmack, I am a Godsmack fan as well, his solo work is softer and more soulful but still all Sully.

Date: Tuesday. May 24, 2011
Venue: Queen Elizabeth Theatre
Ticket on sale NOW

Soundgarden - July 22, 2011

I sure I am behind on this news but I just found out that Soundgarden is coming to Toronto...Needless to say I am pretty excited about this I LOVE Chris Cornell his voice will make your thighs quiver.

Date: Saturday, July 2nd, 2011
Venue: Molson Amphitheatre
Presale: April 21, 2011 buy here The edge 102 presale code is Soundgarden
Tickets go on sale Saturday April 23rd.

RUSHFIT Continues...

2011-04-18T11:10:00.000-04:00

It’s seems I suck at sticking to a schedule. I started my RUSHFIT program off with a bang but come the weekend I got sidetracked. I did the Abdominal Strength and Core Conditioning and the Fight Conditioning workouts. What I have noticed so far between the three exercise videos is that the warm-up and cool down are the same for each video. Also I have to say I am very disappointed that GSP has kept his shirt on in all the videos, I was seriously hoping to see him workout without it. You know for motivation.

I have three more videos to try, so I am hopeful that he will be sporting his signature man panties and no shirt for one of those workouts.

Cheers!

Day one & two of my Rushfit Journey..

2011-04-13T12:06:00.001-04:00

It’s no secret that I am UFC fan and my favourite UFC fighter is Georges St-Pierre (GSP). Recently I stumbled across his Youtube video’s promoting his Rushfit program, and decide to purchase it. I need to shake up my workout routine and lets be honest I can watch GSP workout all day, he is awesome.

Last week my RUSHFIT 8 week training program arrived! This 6 DVD set includes 7 GSP RUSHFIT workouts. Plus get a workout guide, a nutrition guide, and 3 training calendars. I am not new to exercise I've been going to the gym for years, and last year I had a awesome trainer who left my gym to pursue his personal fitness business Stride Conditioning. So I was left to my own devices and I went back to my regular routine which is mostly cardio with a few weight classes here and there, but I missed the functional training that I got with my trainer. A big reason as to why I like UFC is not because I think the men are hot that is just an added bonus but I love watching them workout, I love the way they train, and this was how my trainer trained me.

How this program works is there is a calendar for 8 weeks, and they list which workout video you need to do for that day. There are three different workout programs Beginner, Intermediate and Advance. All three programs rotate between the 6 videos. I believe that the difference between the programs is how often you do the harder workout videos, and as you get more fit they add cardio and a workout video on the same day. I choose the beginner program since these DVD are new to me so yesterday was...

Day 1 – The Strength & Endurance Workout this is a 45 minute workout that consists of a 10 minute warm-up and yes you will start to sweat in this warm-up. The workout is set up as 5 individual 5 minute rounds with a 1 minute rest between rounds. The first two rounds you are using your own body weight, and the next three rounds you will need dumbbells. You should have weights that vary from 2 – 25 pounds. GSP used 20 pound weights and I used 10. After round 5 is a 5 – 7 minutes cool down.

I really enjoyed this workout it goes by fast, you sweat and if you take the time and do the moves correctly you will feel it; especially if you are new to fitness. Also having GSP on my big screen TV gives me that added motivation to workout. What I like most about this program is that they have incorporated moves from different martial arts and the functionality of those moves. As Eric Owings (GSP’s trainer in these videos) stated it will separate the "Women from the Girls!"

I will post my before and after pic’s after I have completed the 8 week program.

As a side note the nutritional information is pretty basic if you are expecting diet plans etc you will be disappointed. They just give you guidelines, which I already follow such as no packaged/ processed foods, avoid the white stuff (white bread, pasta, rice etc) drink lots of water, eat whole grains, fruits, vegetables and lean proteins. If you need a diet to follow the Eat Clean Diet will work perfectly with this exercise program.

Today is Day 2 – CARDIO you are suppose to do your own cardio for 30 minutes. Today is my day at the gym so my cardio is going to be a 45 minutes spin class.

Meet Nikki Sixx

2011-04-12T08:51:00.003-04:00

Hey Ladies,

I'm a big Nikki Sixx fan and I have just found out he is coming to TO for a book signing. I thought I'd share in case any of you out there that would love the chance to meet this Rock God.

In Person: Nikki Sixx

Date: Saturday, May 7th 3:00 pm
Location: Chapters John and Richmond Toronto, Ontario
About this event:

Meet Nikki Sixx - bestselling author, radio host, and bassist for Motley Crüe - as he signs his new raw and authentic rock tell-all, This Is Gonna Hurt. This collection of compelling photography and stories captures the rage, love, optimism, darkness, and determination that shapes his work. No memorabilia, must have a copy of This Is Gonna Hurt to be in line - proof of purchase required from any Chapters, Indigo, WBB or Coles location.

Speaking of Sweat

2011-04-01T10:00:00.003-04:00

In my previous post I said don't sweat the small stuff, so maybe at this moment that is exactly what you are doing. Well I think every girl needs to take a break from her hectic life to enjoy the little pleasures and this is my guilty pleasure. Every once in a while I watch this YouTube video for various reasons:

1) I love a sweaty man, not the man who sweats from just getting out of his chair but the man the works for his sweat whether it is from working out or hard manual labour it's all good man sweat.

2) I have a huge crush on GSP, he makes my thighs quiver

3) I'm not so sure I want to be a champion but I sure would like to do one!

Enjoy ladies and when you find yourself sweating the small stuff take a break and watch this man sweat!

Cheers!

Don't sweat the small stuff

2011-03-31T11:38:00.001-04:00

I believe that what you put into life is what you get back. I try to be as positive as possible because I know for a fact that after every bad moment comes good one. I think you have to experience life to the fullest and go for those dreams. Recently I've started taking drum lessons and the first thing my instructor said to me was I want you to be in the right mind set. 'You will be a drummer!' we will take it slow and YOU WILL be a drummer I don't want you to stress when you cannot get something because it WILL come to you and you have stressed for nothing. It all comes in time and attitude is everything!

Everything does come in time with a little hard work, perseverance and being in the right mind set. Therefore there is no need to be stuck in a job that you hate that causes you countless hours of stress and misery. One day you can be replaced and that stress was for nothing. I have a friend that hates her job, is always working and even when she is out she cannot let go of work. I told her that life is too short to be this hung up on work, if she hates it so much she should put her resume out there. However her issue is that she has no idea what she wants to do. She does not want to do the same work she is doing now. This is a tough one and if you face this dilemma I suggest you think about what you love doing, maybe you will need to make a career change. If it's a career change research how you can make this change, maybe it's a night school or online course. Believe me when you are working towards something you love the job you hate is not such a big deal because you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

What stops most of us from making change is fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, whatever your reason for not doing something it usually stems from fear. When we fear things we make excuses, like I'm too old, I don't have the time, I have kids to take care of.....etc EXCUSES. If you really want something to change in your life you have to work at it. Nothing happens from complaining, wishing or wallowing in you misery..NOTHING! Once you start making those changes you will find that the help you need, will be there and things get easier. The hardest thing to do is to take that first step, but once you are in motion nothing can stop you.

We are all responsible for our own happiness, do the things that give you joy, never let another person be the cause of your happiness. You are the controller of your life, even when something bad happens, you may not have been able to control the situation but you can control how you deal with if after.

Be happy girls, don't sweat the small stuff, pray for strength to deal with the big stuff and always work towards your happiness.

Cheers!

Let's say NO to Stupidity...Let's Say NO to Mr. 1986

2011-03-28T14:33:00.000-04:00

Who would have thought that 2.5 hours of my life wasted would generate numerous text messages from a not quite fully grown man child. Below is the latest text the was sent to me, there are so many things wrong with this message..so many. I do not like to promote stupidity but unfortunately it is all around me.

I have to wonder a few things ...

1) Why does he keep calling me fag? Who in the hell uses that term anymore? It's offense to me and to the gay community. I realize he is stuck in the 80's but COME ON!

2) Why?! On God's green earth would you call a women that you're supposedly interested in a fag? Seriously!!! Is it the drugs? Has he finally fried every last brain cell.

3) Why would you look for me on facebook? I made sure my first priority after that date was to block him from my facebook.

4) Friends?! He is just lucky that if I see him in the street that I don't purposely step on the gas pedal. For me friends with this man means, I will not run him down.

He sent me another message after he did not get a response...

Let's hope that he finally got it!

As for me I am going to take a break from dating, I think 'Mr. 1986' is a sign from the Universe that I am meant to be single at this moment in my life. For all you good guys out there and I know you exist; it sucks to be you because there are guys like 'Mr. 1986" ruining it for your kind.

Let's say NO to Stupidity...Let's Say NO to Mr. 1986!

He Digs MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2011-03-16T14:39:00.001-04:00

This is a text that I received last night from last week’s dating disaster. I guess he has done some reflecting and realized what a tool he was. He is correct in assuming I pegged him as a pot smoking, beer guzzling wanna be teen, why would I assume otherwise. I find it totally ridiculous that he even made an attempt to try and set up another date, if you wanted to do it right you should have the first time! Also saying you dig me just makes me want to throw up in my mouth. I’m tired of hearing about grown men behaving like children, living with their mothers, having their mothers call them to get up for work, and showing old videos of themselves in their glory days. Why is it always about them because for the most part they are not that interesting! Yet they are delusional enough to think they have a chance after they have choked on their pot pipe while wearing AC/DC pyjama pants on a first date! Even if he looked like Brad Pitt in ‘True Romance’ where he played Floyd the stoner I would not have gone out with him again.

Who am I kidding Brad Pitt was hot as a stoner!! If my date behaved the way he did and looked like Brad I would have at least made out with him.

Here is my most recent dating DISASTER...

2011-03-10T14:23:00.003-05:00

Recently I was fixed up on a blind date through friends, they had mentioned this man before and had run into him while I was on vacation and asked if they could give him my number. Since I do not have much going on at the moment I figured what can it hurt, sure set it up.

He called me on Sunday we chatted and set up the date for the following night so we can actually see each other since neither of us knew what the other looked like and I was told he was quite handsome. So with that I pictured this in my head:

The Date:

We arranged to meet at his place, normally I would not do this but since this was a friend of friends I figured it was okay. He sent me a text telling me to let myself in the side door, because he was running late. I enter the side door to be hit in the face with the stench of smoke (I don’t smoke!). Once inside I thought I had entered the pad of a 21 year old Rock Star wanna be, but sadly it was the pad of a 42 year old Rock Star wanna be.

The stress kicks in, I calm myself down with thoughts of okay he is just in a transition phase from his divorce, give him a chance see what he looks like. Finally the great reveal....Remember I had young Michael Pare in my head and this is what walked into the living room:

Yes looks are not everything but we are in 2011 and even though I love the 80’s rock scene I really do not want to date it. He gives me a hug and is super impressed, he was like "Wow your gorgeous! I am so happy that Big V gave me your number! I can’t believe you’re single, okay fess up what’s your problem?" He offers me a beer and damn straight I take it!! I need something to stop the screaming in my head. He tells me that he is sorry that he did not have time to Febreze the place, I laugh because I am sure it is a joke but big surprise there is a big bottle of Febreze on the coffee table.

So we sit and chat and he tells me he will make me dinner I thought sure it's better than going out in public. During that time he downs 6 beers, tries to hide the belch and tells me “Sorry I had to belch, I normally just let them out but the night is still young”. After we ate he disappeared for a bit, and said he had to change into something more comfortable....So he changed out of his tapered Wrangler jeans into a pair of AC/DC pyjama pants.

OH it gets better, he sparked up his pot pipe and took a toke in which he choked on for 5 minutes. This is where I was expecting Ashton Kutcher to coming flying through the door saying “You’ve been Punked!” but alas he did not and this was all too real. This was my queue to get the hell out of dodge. I said I had to go it was a busy day the next day at work. He came in to hug me and tried to stick his tongue down my throat, I said I don’t do that on a first date (well not this first date). He wanted to go out again I said I’d call him when I got home. I did not call that night cause I just did not want to deal with it, so he text me the following:

I told him very nicely that we are not a match and that we seem to be at different places in our lives. That was my polite way of saying I'm living in 2011 and you are stuck in 1989!!

Oh I forgot to mention that he called me a giant and asked if I had man hands because I am 5’ 9” and he was 5’ 6’!!!

Love who you are...

2011-02-23T22:51:00.004-05:00

I attend Pilates classes and I had the weirdest conversation with the lady beside me. One of the people in the class had just gotten back from vacation and was a nice tanned colour (probably my colour or darker) and our instructor commented on her glow.

The Indian women beside me looked my way (because we are a similar skin tone) and said “I never understood why white people want to get darker when we want to be lighter.” I looked at her and said “I like my skin tone and I’m not trying to get lighter”. Really who does she think I am Michael Jackson? She quickly realized I wasn’t in her “mind set” so she over corrected her comment and said “Yes, really who wants to be a pasty white.” Now I’m not shocked about having this conversation because South Asian people are messed up (yes I’m being politically incorrect but I have issues and justified one’s about Indians) and although I may look Indian I correct people and say I’m South African Indian and really Canadian because that is what I am. My heritage may be something but what I identify with is a whole other thing. Yes I embrace my exotic Aishwarya Rai type look but in the end I am more than a skin colour or my ethnic heritage.

I saw a show on TV about skin lightening products and how they are hot sellers throughout Asia and not only for Indians, but Thai, Phillipino etc…So single ladies if you have someone say something off kilter to you don’t be afraid to comment back because maybe they'll actually learn something (we can only hope).

In the end the most important thing for you to remember is to be true to who you are and above all love yourself, pasty white, tanned or dark and lovely.

Queen B

To hot for words

2011-02-17T08:39:00.006-05:00

Oh and here’s another one girls, I’m on a blogging rampage…so I recently rejoined online cause it’s so hilarious, and here’s one of the first messages I get…keep in mind, I’ve blocked all “intimate encounter” type emails:

“baby, i got a big thick co.ck, a muscular body, fine all around im told...I would love to pleasure you, and let you ride me until we both cu.m. also, i take a pill that is a natural version of viagra... it works awesome ;)
if we met in public you'd see me, and could judge then.”

Online is awesome! Should I meet up with him?

Single Chick

50 First Dates – Dates 7 thru 9

2011-02-16T21:43:00.007-05:00

Hey girls – sorry, it’s been a while. Christmas break and working like a mad man, and then Valentines Day as a florist will seriously impede upon a girl’s dating life, but I did manage to squeeze a couple doozies in. So let’s get right to it…

Date #7 - probably would have been better if he didn’t have a bigger hard on for Pearl Jam than I did…he was part of the fan club…and went to every concert that ever existed…EVER!! Ok, I would have gone out with him a second time, but he never called. I obviously wasn’t a big enough fan. Bummer, cause I would have loved seeing Eddie from front row.

Date #8 - this is one for the books if I ever did say so. So I was messaging 2 guys through a dating site…one named Matt, one named Aaron. Turns out they’re friends and Aaron ends up texting me on behalf of Matt and makes me believe he’s Matt who’s actually Aaron. I got seriously confused. I set up a date with Aaron (who did say he was Aaron, but I at first thought he was Matt) and just as I’m about to leave my house, he calls to tell me I’m meeting Matt. WTF you ask…yes, both these guys are actually in their 30’s…I felt like I was in the playground. So I go, cause now I’m curious. I meet with Matt and OMG…awesome! I actually couldn’t resist telling him how much material he was giving me. He was completely shy, nerdy, security/IT guy and was so freakin nervous, couldn’t look me in the eye. I calmed him down by telling him this was never going to happen…EVER!! He was super sweet though and I told him he’d absolutely be married before me, probably within the next 6 months. So we get onto casual conversation and I ask him what his favourite band was…his answer “The Barenaked Ladies”. True story…no word of a lie.

Date #9 - so I finally meet my “Trip Fontaine*” except it’s not high school, I’m 32 and he’s 40 (so he’s basically already entering his re-hab years…or should be) and then in week #4 he say’s “could you just shut the fuck up for a second” in front of his friend…and that was the end of that. Oh, and his 80 year old mother gives him 6:30am wake up calls or he wouldn’t get up for work. Seriously…another true story…never an exaggeration here, EVER!!

So girls, if this doesn’t pump you up for dating in 2011, I don’t know what will. Good luck out there dudettes, I’m off to surf and flirt with someone that looks like Eddie Vedder.

Single Chick (how much longer do I have to write that??!!)

*Trip Fontaine was the character played by the fabuloso Josh Hartnett in the even more fabuloso movie The Virgin Suicides.

2011-02-09T14:49:00.000-05:00

My Freebie List

2011-02-04T20:36:00.008-05:00

Well I have to say that my Freebie Five list changes like the wind but right now these are the men who I would do bad things to should the opportunity ever present itself. Please note that this list is in no particular order as I don’t want anyone to feel like they aren’t as important as the next (just in case they read this…LOL).

1. Jon Hamm – God this Mad Men actor is sex in a suit, he is supposedly charming and fantastic in real life and that just makes him even more appealing to me.

2. David Beckham – The man can hit a soccer ball and model underwear, enough said.

3. Larry Mullen Jr. – Since I was young I have been in love with the Irish drummer of U2.

4. Rob Lowe – Is it just me or is he getting sexier as he gets older? It also helps that I haven’t heard any rumours of him sleeping with any 16 year olds so it’s all good.

5. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant – The accent, the Britishness and with Hugh the dirtiness of being caught with a prostitute somehow is appealing in a warped way. Don't ask...

BTW - I know my list is 6 instead of 5 but I’m single so I’m allowed to break the rules and dream a little. Also it's not like there is anybody right now who would mind me throwing in an extra night of debauchery for the fun of it.

Who are your 5, 6 or 10?

Queen B