Rule #99... Don't reveal to much to soon

This refers to what you share about yourself on a first date. Remember even if you think it is going well and you feel comfortable you still need to keep some things about yourself to yourself; until this person gets to know you better.

Date:  "I've recently gotten into reading biographies; I tend to go through different phases as to what I like to read"

Me: "Same here. I once went through a Serial Killer phase; I think I read every book out there at the time"

Date: "That's a interesting phase, I can't say I have ever gone through that one" (Date shifts in his seat and  is now looking at me a little differently)

Me: (Realizes that he probably thinks I have a room covered in plastic sheets. Maybe I should reassure him that I don't have a room covered in plastic because my cat will eat the plastic sheets)

WARNING:  What seems perfectly normal to you may be a little off putting to others. However had he taken the time to ask why I had such a phase I would have told him that I was fascinated with the mind. I wanted to know what made some people evil and others not. I still love to know what makes people tick, why they do what they do including myself.

Rule #100 ...Do not tell hot dudes to smell your arm pit

Hot Trainer at the gym: " Are you sure you just did the spin class ?" (referring to may oh so fresh appearance)

Me: "Yes" (than I lift up my arm and say) "Stick your head under here"

Gym receptionist cracks up

Me: (Realizes I just told a hot dude to stick his head into my sweaty arm pit)

WARNING: Sweaty pits are not attractive nor seductive 

 

Rule # 101 ... Do not shove cute dudes into walls

Cute guy in the elevator: "So what do you think they are working on in that area?(referring to the strange underground project in our building)

Me: (shoves him into the elevator wall ala Elaine Benes style and exclaims) " I know! I been wondering about that"

Cute guy: "yeah it's strange" (then he moves as far away from me as he can)

Me: (realizes I shoved a cute guy into a wall )

WARNING: Ladies this is the equivalent to poking him in the eye and giggling

 

 

 

What happens in Paris, gets written about on blogs….

So ladies, I know it’s been a while and I apologize for my lack of blogs but I’m here once again and the wait (I believe) is worth it …so I returned from Paris mid-June and had one of the most surreal experiences….I have to think that maybe all these years stating that I want true honesty from men (translation, if you want me just for sex say so and don’t pretend you want more) is a load of crap but then again maybe you hear the truth and you think to yourself someone is playing a cruel joke on me….

This is what happened….I left my friends and went on my own to buy a perfume I love. The shop is located near the Four Seasons off of George V which is part of the tri-fecta of streets that make up an exclusive shopping Mecca in Paris. So I was heading back to the Metro and was just approaching a corner and I see this handsome, tall, very well dressed gentlemen, looking my way. Considering I had my hair in a ponytail, was wearing a light sweater, a scarf and jeans I didn’t think he was looking at me but it was Paris so it was not an impossibility and even if he was looking no big deal. So I’m approaching the corner (right in front of Jean-Paul Gaultier) and he starts speaking to me in French, since my French isn’t the best and I was kind of in my own world, I told him “Je ne parle pas francais”. He then does a 360 and goes into perfect English, he asks me if I’m married, which I reply, “No”, he goes on to say “Hi, I’m Michael, what is your name”….as I’m about to respond he states in normal, everyday conversation “I would like to have sex with you”….Now I’m all for forward people who get to the point but I had to really think about this one 1. Did I hear him correctly….confirmed….2. Is there a French TV crew behind me waiting to jump up and say “C’est drole” or something to this effect…..I turn around and look behind and nothing….So I start laughing and tell him “I am good, thanks”….as I’m walking away he tells me to come back but all I could do was shake my head and laugh to myself….I was also thinking is this is my life in a nutshell…I see a handsome, tall stranger at a corner who tells me he wants to have sex with me and what do I do but walk away.

I have to say I was very flattered in some weird twisted way as this guy has balls and he did look cute but I guess the honesty I so desired didn’t exactly make me feel secure and in control which is what I think I was looking for…I have always heard the saying “be careful what you wish for” and now I’m hoping my other wishes aren’t in limbo because one of them did come true….

I am also kind of kicking myself because a part of me wishes that I said yes, even if it was to just see what happened…but you have to let go of the what ifs and realize that it wasn’t meant to be.

What I do know now is that if I get approached by another handsome man at a corner I may have to take him up on the offer….with that said if he had asked me for coffee or a drink I probably would have slept with him…Weird how things work out, I got what I wanted and turned it away, he didn’t get what he wanted and if he presented things another way he probably would have…

Queen B

Horrible Bosses

I have not seen the movie Horrible Bosses yet but the movie trailers kill me, they make me laugh because you think that would never happen; that no boss is that bad! Sadly life is always stranger than fiction.  I had worked for a big corporation and I just could not handle the politics and  the stupid way they would spend money to waste our time on corporate etiquette training. For example you could not call women ‘Girls’ because that may offend someone, seriously? If some woman is offended because I referred to my group of friends as ‘girls’ then she is twat! Needless to say I learned nothing from those training sessions. 

I left big a corporation for a smaller company in which political correctness does not exist. My boss, whom we call Hef because he is currently is dating someone half his age and sends his Viagra prescription refill requests on the company fax machine.  Hef will adjust the boys on a regular basis. Once while talking to my co-worker he grabs the crotch of his pants and says "I think these jeans may be done".

Recently my co-worker while looking for a file in Hef’s office found pair of his Polo underwear in the top drawer of his credenza. This is what life is like in my small office.

 Cheers!

Here's a taste of what is out there ladies...

This past weekend I had met a guy at the bar, I know when will I ever learn. Anyway he took my number and texted me the next afternoon. Here is his text:

Needless to say I am not interested. I swear I am a magnet for the dysfunctional. Oh well on to the next!