This is for all the guys out there, I know we can be hard on you sometimes but it's not your fault you just lack the proper interpretation skills..This should help you out a bit.
Dictionary for Personal Ads
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average Looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free Spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Formerly 'friendly' person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large Frame - Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate - Stalker
Wonmen's English
1) Yes = No
2) No = Yes
3) Maybe = No
4) We need = I want
5) I'm Sorry = you'll be sorry
6) We nee to talk = you're in trouble
7) Sure,go ahead = you better not
8) Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9) I'm not upset = of course I'm upset, you Jackass!
10) You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about
For the ladies guy's are very simple but just in case you need to be reminded here some help interpreting what's on a man's mind...
Man's English
1)I'm hungry = I'm Hungry
2)I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
3)I'm tired = I'm tired
4)Nice dress = nice cleavage
5)I love you = let's have sex
6)I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
7) May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8)Can I call you sometime?= I'd like to have sex with you
9)Do you want to go to a movie = I'd like to have sex with you
10)Can i take you to dinner = I'd like to have sex with you
11) Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
Cheers!
Single Gal
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sorry Honey ...
The other day I was waiting in line at Tim Horton’s when the Pimp Daddy in front of me starts to fidget; he’s in a panic, looking around like he wants to make a run for it. Since there was no place to run, he decides to put his head down and stand beside me for cover. I had no clue what he was up to until I see this ‘Bahama Momma’ headed in my direction screaming ‘CHESTER!!!!! Why didn’t you call me?!”…looks like Chester just got busted! Now the sketchy behavior all makes sense.
Chester doesn’t miss a beat; he comes out of hiding saying “Baby, baby I’m so glad to see you! Mmm Mmm, look at you, your lookin gooooooooooooooooooood! I wanted to call but I moved and didn’t have a phone for a while. Once I got my phone hooked up I had to go out of town for business”. (I’m thinking sure Chester, what business is that? The porn convention in Vegas, AS IF). At this point I’m waiting for Chester to get a well deserved slap up side the head, but ‘Bahama Momma’ goes against the grain and disappoints women everywhere by giggling and giving Chester her number yet again.
WHY? WHY? WHY? Was it only obvious to me that Chester was just not that into her? Or is there an amazing sex god hiding behind the slicked hair and gold teeth? And even though he will never call her, maybe it’s all worth it for another night of mind blowing sex? Hmmmm, maybe I should have gave Chester my number!
Cheers!
Single Gal
Monday, January 18, 2010
The perils of online dating…
We did it!! Single Chick and I have signed up for eHarmony, those damn commercials finally sucked us in.
We have both been single for awhile and obviously whatever it was that we were doing was NOT working…so it’s time to change up the routine. We have decided to get more proactive about this dating thing. Here are some ways that eHarmony seems better than most dating sites:
1) It takes a ridiculously long time to fill out the questionnaire, so expect to spend at least two hours doing this. If you are not sure what you are looking for you will by the end of this process.
2) You cannot surf through endless singles and window shop. You do not see anyone unless they are a matched to you. The matches are sent based on your answers in the questionnaire.
3) “Guided communication” - this means there are steps to follow if you want to communicate with your match. First you send a set of questions to someone you’re interested in, and then your match can respond and has to send you a set of questions. After that you send your “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands”, and then it’s on to round two of the questions. After getting past the second round of questions you then proceed to “Open Communication”, this means you can send eHarmony e-mails to each other.
4) Open communication can be a bit daunting because you can chat with someone for a while and feel like “am I ever going meet this person?” Then again it is also good in the sense you can get a better feel for someone before meeting up, so it’s like a double edge sword you just have to get past.
I have made it through all these stages with a match. We finally met for a drink after a month of communicating. From my prospective it went well, we got along; we have a lot of common interests and the same sense of humor. Now this is where the confusion comes in, as to what happens next. He did ask if we can do this again some time, so how long do you wait for the next date? If he has not asked you within 48 hours of your initial meeting should you just move on? Also the hard part with dating is trying to not take it personally when you don’t get asked for a second date. Here’s the deal people - I think we should start being upfront at the end of the date if you want to see me again say so and then follow through. If not just say it was great meeting you and have a nice life.
On a good note I did have a good time and if anything eHarmony got me to go on a date with someone nice who I got along with. I don’t have any other prospective matches in the works at the moment but I still have 2 months left on there and I am hopeful.
So if you’ve tried everything and still haven’t gone online give it a try…really you have nothing to loose.
Good Luck, it’s a jungle out there!
Cheers!
Single Gal
We have both been single for awhile and obviously whatever it was that we were doing was NOT working…so it’s time to change up the routine. We have decided to get more proactive about this dating thing. Here are some ways that eHarmony seems better than most dating sites:
1) It takes a ridiculously long time to fill out the questionnaire, so expect to spend at least two hours doing this. If you are not sure what you are looking for you will by the end of this process.
2) You cannot surf through endless singles and window shop. You do not see anyone unless they are a matched to you. The matches are sent based on your answers in the questionnaire.
3) “Guided communication” - this means there are steps to follow if you want to communicate with your match. First you send a set of questions to someone you’re interested in, and then your match can respond and has to send you a set of questions. After that you send your “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands”, and then it’s on to round two of the questions. After getting past the second round of questions you then proceed to “Open Communication”, this means you can send eHarmony e-mails to each other.
4) Open communication can be a bit daunting because you can chat with someone for a while and feel like “am I ever going meet this person?” Then again it is also good in the sense you can get a better feel for someone before meeting up, so it’s like a double edge sword you just have to get past.
I have made it through all these stages with a match. We finally met for a drink after a month of communicating. From my prospective it went well, we got along; we have a lot of common interests and the same sense of humor. Now this is where the confusion comes in, as to what happens next. He did ask if we can do this again some time, so how long do you wait for the next date? If he has not asked you within 48 hours of your initial meeting should you just move on? Also the hard part with dating is trying to not take it personally when you don’t get asked for a second date. Here’s the deal people - I think we should start being upfront at the end of the date if you want to see me again say so and then follow through. If not just say it was great meeting you and have a nice life.
On a good note I did have a good time and if anything eHarmony got me to go on a date with someone nice who I got along with. I don’t have any other prospective matches in the works at the moment but I still have 2 months left on there and I am hopeful.
So if you’ve tried everything and still haven’t gone online give it a try…really you have nothing to loose.
Good Luck, it’s a jungle out there!
Cheers!
Single Gal
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