Recently I was fixed up on a blind date through friends, they had mentioned this man before and had run into him while I was on vacation and asked if they could give him my number. Since I do not have much going on at the moment I figured what can it hurt, sure set it up.
He called me on Sunday we chatted and set up the date for the following night so we can actually see each other since neither of us knew what the other looked like and I was told he was quite handsome. So with that I pictured this in my head:
The Date:
We arranged to meet at his place, normally I would not do this but since this was a friend of friends I figured it was okay. He sent me a text telling me to let myself in the side door, because he was running late. I enter the side door to be hit in the face with the stench of smoke (I don’t smoke!). Once inside I thought I had entered the pad of a 21 year old Rock Star wanna be, but sadly it was the pad of a 42 year old Rock Star wanna be.
The stress kicks in, I calm myself down with thoughts of okay he is just in a transition phase from his divorce, give him a chance see what he looks like. Finally the great reveal....Remember I had young Michael Pare in my head and this is what walked into the living room:
Yes looks are not everything but we are in 2011 and even though I love the 80’s rock scene I really do not want to date it. He gives me a hug and is super impressed, he was like "Wow your gorgeous! I am so happy that Big V gave me your number! I can’t believe you’re single, okay fess up what’s your problem?" He offers me a beer and damn straight I take it!! I need something to stop the screaming in my head. He tells me that he is sorry that he did not have time to Febreze the place, I laugh because I am sure it is a joke but big surprise there is a big bottle of Febreze on the coffee table.
So we sit and chat and he tells me he will make me dinner I thought sure it's better than going out in public. During that time he downs 6 beers, tries to hide the belch and tells me “Sorry I had to belch, I normally just let them out but the night is still young”. After we ate he disappeared for a bit, and said he had to change into something more comfortable....So he changed out of his tapered Wrangler jeans into a pair of AC/DC pyjama pants.
OH it gets better, he sparked up his pot pipe and took a toke in which he choked on for 5 minutes. This is where I was expecting Ashton Kutcher to coming flying through the door saying “You’ve been Punked!” but alas he did not and this was all too real. This was my queue to get the hell out of dodge. I said I had to go it was a busy day the next day at work. He came in to hug me and tried to stick his tongue down my throat, I said I don’t do that on a first date (well not this first date). He wanted to go out again I said I’d call him when I got home. I did not call that night cause I just did not want to deal with it, so he text me the following:
I told him very nicely that we are not a match and that we seem to be at different places in our lives. That was my polite way of saying I'm living in 2011 and you are stuck in 1989!!
Oh I forgot to mention that he called me a giant and asked if I had man hands because I am 5’ 9” and he was 5’ 6’!!!
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