How old is he? And why is he single?...

Over the last 4 years of singledom  I have received many comments regarding my dating life or lack thereof. One thing I do find is that relationship people forget what it’s like to be single; especially those that have not been single in the last 5 years. Relationship people will say off handed things like “How old is your date? Really so what’s his problem?” this translates back as “So you have met someone your age that is also single, there must be something wrong with him!” It’s the same with married people who’ve had kids, saying to the couple that’s been trying for 5 years, “so when are you having kids, or do you want them?” Or saying “ I can’t imagine having kids at 35 – 40 plus”, to the 37 year old Single Gal who has wanted kids but it looks like that may not be in the cards for her. Whether you realized it or not you have just passed a judgement.

That’s the funny thing about words; just floating out there on their own they don’t mean much, but put them together you have power to inspire, inform, or hurt. Words are very powerful together, but I don’t think people realize what responsibility that power brings. We can all learn to choose our words wisely. If someone is single, never assume they have issues or something is wrong with them; face it there is something wrong with all of us if we were to look for it. If the married couple does not have children don’t assume they never tried or wanted any. Or don’t assume that because a Gal is single she has chosen that because she just wants to party. If you are happy with your life be happy but do not assume that because someone else with a different lifestyle is not happy. Our life is our own; it’s not for others to pass judgements or assumptions on. What we should do is watch what we say, never complain about those 10 pounds you think you need to lose to someone that has been struggling with their weight all their life.  Never say I hate my job to someone who is unemployed. Never say ‘I bet your ex has found another idiot to date”, to the Gal who was smart enough to get out of that bad relationship. You get what I am saying, just take a moment and think about what you are going to say before you say it because once those words leave your mouth the damage has been done.

I know I have said things that may have hurt someone without meaning to because I spoke before I thought about what I was saying. I am positive that my former boss did not appreciate it when I told her “That would be a great place for you to find a date” in regards to her volunteering at the men’s homeless shelter. 

Let your words be words of kindness.

Cheers!